A SAMPLE COLLABORATIVE CASE: A True Story

This will be a very brief description of a Collaborative Divorce Case completed in 2005 in California.
A mother of a 6-year old decided to get a divorce. Father was unhappy about that, but agreed to go along with a Collaborative process. Both hired collaborative attorneys and chose divorce coaches. This case had relatively few assets and only the one child.
The parents were both devoted to their boy, although their communication had deteriorated as a married couple. The coaches helped them to understand the changes their relationship needed to undergo as they moved from an intimate relationship and living situation to living separately and co-parenting from different households. When the "heat" rose between them, the photo of their son seemed to always bring them back to a more reasonable stance toward each other.
Mom learned that her attempts to get emotional support from Dad were jarring and uncomfortable for him, as he was busy grieving. Thereafter, she went to others for her support. Dad learned that his language about "my house, my money" was demeaning to Mom and inaccurate under California laws, and was able to change his language.
Mom's big concerns about Dad's drinking were dealt with sensitively by the coaches, and Dad promised not to drink for a certain number of hours before and during his time with the son. Mom saw that he was keeping his word.
The child met with a child specialist who represented his needs and concerns to the team. She also proposed some ideas for a parenting plan, and provided support for the child and a forum for him to talk through his feelings about the separation and the changes in his life.
The neutral financial professional in this case reassured both clients with his matter-of-fact neutrality. He especially aided this case by projecting the financial settlement into the future, so the clients could see the long-range implications of their settlement, which allowed them to increase their compassion and good-will toward one another.
The attorneys were very respectful toward one another, made efforts to connect with each other's clients, and quickly sent the clients to coaching whenever emotional issues arose. They skilfully managed the financial settlement and support issues so that (although Dad continually referred to his first divorce which had cost him $400.00) both people ended convinced that they had made the very best of a difficult situation.
When I spoke with Mom a year after the completion of this case, she was happy to report that the parents were continuing to work together in a peaceful and businesslike way to provide the best care they could manage for their child.
This entire divorce took about 8 months and cost the family about $13,000. The team was struck by the fact that this case, if it had not been handled collaboratively, could have resulted in numerous expensive hearings and a great dial of emotional upheaval. The team also was extremely pleased by the way that the communication flowed among team members (massive amounts of sharing by email) and by the respectful and peaceful tone the team kept providing for this family.

Respectfully submitted by:
Divorce Coach, Mary Ann Aronsohn, MA, LMFT
www.aronsohntherapy.com